the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
