Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
