Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
