I heard we made out
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
