I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
