I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize