Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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