I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
