I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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