he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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