I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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