living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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