it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
