Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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