Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Your cock deserves a montage
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
