Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
