i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
