Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
