Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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