I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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