He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
