Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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