so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
