Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize