i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
