I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
