atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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