I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
