Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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