this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
