Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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