he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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