i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
