I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
