I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I sprained my soul last night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
