If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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