haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
