Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
