My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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