Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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