I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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