I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
