Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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