You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
