I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
