Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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