You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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