I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The adults are the big ones right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
