just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
