Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
