Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
