I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
