This girl is more easily done than said...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
