If i come over, it means nothing
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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