how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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