Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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