it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
