I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
