bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
