Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
