I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
