That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
