Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
