i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
