I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
